Indecision

I’ve been offered a job in Belize.  It’s a great opportunity, and while the pay is a little lower than my salary now, it is tax-free which means it basically evens out.  My bosses here have gone to bat, but the best they can offer me is a slight raise with a good possibility that I will go back to school and my PhD will be paid for.  We tried for this a year ago, but the program was in transition and the higher ups ignored us.  My boss basically told me that he wants me to replace him when I graduate.  A year ago I would have been ecstatic, and this is definitely an opportunity others would kill for.  But…

The Belize offer is something Simon and I have talked about for years now. Working in a developing country and actually doing something that has meaning.  Except that SImon wouldn’t go. He’d visit for a few weeks or a month at a time, but he’d have to go back to observing (something he wants to do anyhow) so for the most part I would be in a foreign country by myself.

I literally cannot make this decision.

I waiver back and forth every five minutes, and the pro and con list is exactly the same length for each choice.  I could get stuck here and hate it.  I could go there and either hate it, or the money runs out and I’m stuck.  We’d have to rent the house, figure out what to do with the cats and the tortoise.  Or I stay and plant my garden and snuggle with my kitties and my husband.  We have money to travel, but no time.  I go after a dream or I stay for the money.  Don’t get me started on the guilt aspect.

The easy choice is to stay. The hard choice is to go.  Why is this so hard?

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